Wednesday, December 06, 2006

2nd Annual Poly's Holiday Post.



Yes Polyman,
There is a SantaChrist.

Behold: He has come
to shop.
He knows
everything must go!

It is written.

I will not use his name in vain.
I will not shop in vain.

I fear eternal damnation,
but I can also spot a great bargin.

Dear SantaChrist,
Please have commpassion on our wallets
pocketbooks & souls this holy season.
Let us be first at the clearance tables.

I now know he is real.
I see his presence all around
in the form of crude decorations
and plastic images.

and in the shopping malls
I see him atop wooden altars
surrounded by elves and angels,
and children
lost in innocent wanting
and adoration.


Santachrist.
Thou art heavy!

My cup runneth over.

40 comments:

morbid misanthrope said...

Well, at least he's better than that fucking Easter Bunny.

Dino aka Katy said...

nice poem. Morbid whats wrong with the bunny?

Webmiztris said...

is that a candy cane in Santachrist's pocket or is he just happy to see me? :D

Violet said...

that picture scares me.

erika said...

Amen

Strumpet said...

Actually, I can't wait to sit on Santa's lap this year.

ICECOLDCOKE said...

lol,nice muse there ,is that from the gospel according to polyman,just before genesis.santa stole all my money,the red suited swine....hope you have a great xmas,and new year bud....cya around

Zen Wizard said...

Well, I am from Atlanta, and I know what side my bread is buttered on...

As long as the fat bastard keeps wearing red, white, and black and snarfing cocaine syrup out of an hourglass bottle, he's my dawg.

Cinderella said...

LOL! I can soooo relate to this post!!

Sassy Brown said...

santachrist scares me

ZooooM said...

Seriously, I think your santa brought the Christmas tee to our local mall. It's a huge old tree, which of course they cut down and killed to prop up in the mall for a whopping month. Not only that, but they had to "put it together" on the spot. It's not even real when they are done with it.

oh wow. Apparently I'm angrier at that then I thought....

Mone said...

hahaha, Poly, you did it again!
I've seen HIM also. HE told me not to worry to much about the wallet. Next year will be a tax return, so I'll be able to pay of my seasonal credit, hahaha.
Love.

Tai said...

'bout time.

Polyman3 said...

HO, HO, HO...HO, HO, HO.

Morb,
Oh, Don't get me started on that damn bunny now.

Dino,
Yea, Some people like that damn bunny signifing Christ's rebirth;
There must be a connection somewhere...

Miztris,
Oh, he is very happy to see you,
he likes when the women utilize his lap, got a special toy for you.

No Violet honey,
Don't be frightened...he's got you on his NICE list, and he's heading for your chimney with his bag.

Erika,
...and it was written, be fruitful and multiply...

Strumpet,
Tease!

Ice,
I take it you were on the shit list, but don't dispear- there is still time to repent. Just say 3 hail santas and give whatever money is left to the church.
There. Happy X-mas.

Zen,
Sounds like you got the fat fuck wrapped around your little finger.
He's your dawg along with his Ho, ho, ho's.

Shabderella,
Oh, your been a very very good girl this year. Your on the hugs and kisses list.

Sassy,
No, no fear. The fat guy loves Sassy Brown. He can't wait for your chimney, got some nice electronic toys for you.

Zooom,
It's OK honey, SantaChrist feels your anger and understands...but he
also loves all the glitz and glitter, the more cheesy the better!
Shoppers are the holiest of the the holy and they NEED their special places of worship. That live/dead tree fills that need...
Now go and sin no more child- do some shopping, it's good for what ails you.

Oh Mone,
You know the German people are the ones that inventes Christmas...you must be so proud. You know SantaChrist loves you very much, so
shop till you drop.

Tai,
Yes, that's what I say. Time has come to see this fine holiday for what it really is;
A holy shopping extravaganza!

BLESS YOU ALL! and don't forget SantaChrist likes Cookiedough & wine.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Great picture! And the poem ain't chopped chicken liver neither.

Thanks for visiting my blog.

I'm a Long Island girl, too. What part are you from?

Dan said...

I'm fumigating my monitor right now. I don't want God to send Hellfire and Damnation in my direction for even accidentally viewing this sacrilidge (geez, he's probably going to kick my ass just for misspelling sacrilidge).

theresa said...

I'm scared of Dan's mean old "Hellfire and Damnation" God who can't take a joke and punishes bad spellers. If he's mad at Dan, I'm really in big trouble.

Jocelyn said...

Uh-oh, Santachrist scared Dan! Maybe they should go shopping together, so SC can buy Dan a new remote control car or something.

Otis said...

I think you're on to something here...

I saw this at fark.com

JLee said...

is he related to SatanClaus?

Polyman3 said...

heartinsanfrancisco,
Your from the island but you heart is in SF? What's going on there?
Curious. I love LI chicks...
hot with attitude & they got it all. Love your site also.
Yea I'm in Suffolk County along the north shore of Port Jeff.

Dan,
No, you got it all wrong. This post was sanctified by the Pope, Catholic church, and various demon-inations on it's candor and politiocreligious correctness & quality in its endeaver to educate pagen and atheist factions. So...
your still on SantaChrists favored persons list. Got it? U R loved.

Theresa,
No, he's not mad at Dan...and your in no trouble with the Big Guy either. Incorrect spelling is
tolorated as compared to Non-Christian religions.

Hello & welcome Jocelyn,
Dan is America's sweetheart. His minor disgressions are overlooked because of his popularity. I was just reading in "People Magazine" that Dan vacations in th North Pole
and hangs with the Jolly guy- you know fishing trips, BBQ's, Elf tossing contests. They are even coming out with a Post office stamp with his likeness on it.
I'm green with envy.

Otis,
Wow, Here I am on the cutting edge of a fringe movement. Thanks...

Jlee,
Excellent question my love,
actually they are arch enemies- you know, the good/bad thing, good vrs evil stichk. SatenClause is a big rip-off. We are on the side of all that is good & rightious &
American.

starbender said...

I take it U don't like Christmas???
:o

Polyman3 said...

Star-
Contrare, I love the whole idea of Christmas, gift giving, good will toward man- I just don't understand the association with Christ.

Mystical Me said...

Is he related to Satan? I really think Santa Claus is Satan. You never see them together & they both wear red suits. HUH, I wonder?
I hope you have a great Christmas & A Happy New Year sweetheart. Take care!! Love always, MM XOXO

Strumpet said...

I really just want to get my hands on that Naughty List...

Odat said...

Hi neighbor...great post...very funny!! thanks for the visit...
Peace...(from Staten Island)

Polyman3 said...

mystical,
Another good question. Santa really is a scary guy. My younger sister, when she was young, would go ballistic at the sight of the Jolly guy.
...and you have yourself a healthy & merry little Xmas, my love.

Strumpet,
No way, it's a sacred list.

Odat,
and peace & love to you in Staten Island, the land of plenty & italians.

NINANINA said...

OMG this is so sacreligious and so FUNNY :>)

Angela said...

Yes, totally afraid of the SantaChrist.

Charlotte said...

I sat on Santachrist's lap and told him all of the naughtiness that I wanted for Christmas. It only took two jump starts of his heart to get it back to tickin'.

Merry Christmas, babe!

Wicked Witch said...

I hope he bleeds up there!

Wicked Witch said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
heartinsanfrancisco said...

I grew up in Huntington, moved back to the Island after a marital split and lived in Northport for several years.

Now I'm in San Francisco, which I love. But I will always be a New Yorker.

Sometimes I buy cauliflower, which I dislike, because it reminds me of all the farm stands out East on 25-A.

Polyman3 said...

Nina,
You know, I feel no guilt. Everything is so warped about Christmas, religion,consumerism etc
that this is my way of venting my fustration with what we've become.

It is funny though- my son marched in a town parade yesterday and at the end is the jolly fat guy- so I yell out "SantaChrist!", everyone looks at me and Mrs Poly gives me the elbow. He IS heavy.

Angela,
Hi.. Yes fear him-he knows if you've been good or bad.

Charlotte honey,
I'm sure SC loved you on his lap,
he treasures those moments, I hope you at least got a candy cane out of it.

Wicked witch,
oh yes, he bleeds for all of us.

Heart,
Wow, we were neighbors- that's my turf- Huntington, Northport, Commack, Smithtown and North Shore are my haunts.

Next time I have califlower, I'll do a toast to you. I love the farms out east where I grew up, of course now- it's mostly wine country- not a bad thing either.

Lee Ann said...

Hey Poly, I have been missing you!

Liz said...

Yeah, anyone who loves Santa Claus obviously never saw that old Tales From the Crypt movie with Joan Collins where she murders her husband on Christmas Eve and then there's a psycho Santa that escaped from a mental hospital trying to kill her. It's so creepy.

Yeah, I can't help but think there's a whole lot of those creepy "Santa's" running aorund L.A.

Dan said...

HA HA! You're too much Polyman. I'm coming over there to trim you around the edges. ;)

People magazine's exploits of my vacationing at the North Pole with the big cahuna are grossly exaggerated.

Polyman3 said...

Lee Ann,
I miss you so much it hurts. I may have to go to the doctor and get some missyou pills.

Liz-
I love that one! It is so sick.
...and LA & NY have a lot in common.

Dan,
You mean it's not true? But it's in People magazine-it's got to be true.
...and your too late Dan, my edges were trimmed a long time ago. Thanks anyway.

Steven Novak said...

Cute as a blurry button, yes.

Steve~

Enemy of the Republic said...

Now this is up Satan's alley.